Identity Earthquake In Time

I am an old guy, right? Yes. I am an old guy. Who would have ever thought that I would get to the point where I would say that I'm and old guy? Not this old old guy. At least not until recently. So, anyway, today I was trying to remember what I was like in high school. (Calvin Trillin once wrote something about we are always the same people we were in high school. What and awful thought Calvin! Cruel and awful.) So there I am today, minding my own business and cogitating, or maybe "contemplating" about who I was, or who I used to be, in high school. But then I thought, I don't have the foggiest idea of who I am now, so how am I going to remember who I was then?' (This identity thing is harder than I had hoped it would be.) Jeez, how am ever going to remember who I was? I went to high school in another century. Yes, another century. Thank God it was a contiguous century with this one, and not a century so far away in time that it isn't even part of the continent of this century. That would be like Hawaii's relationship to the U.S. mainland. If Hawaii was the nineteenth century, it would be an island, and there would be an ocean between it and now--a kind of Pacific Ocean of time. The 20th century. No, the century in which I went to high school is more like California. It's loosely configured, but at least it is attached to the mainland. Loosely attached. I went to school in California at a time that was loosely connected to this century, but only very loosely. It was a long time ago. And there was a fault line running through it.

I remember the earthquake like it was yesterday. Only it wasn't exactly yesterday. It was when I was in high school. Which, I can assure you, wasn't yesterday. The buildings shook and shimmied, and everyone said "Oh oh, this is the BIG ONE." And for all they knew at the time, it WAS the big one. Only it wasn't. It wasn't the BIG ONE. Because I am here to tell you that it wasn't the BIG ONE. But it WAS a long time ago. I went to high school in California. In another century. I wish I could remember who I was then. But I can't. I hope I was brave. I like to think I was. I like to think I wasn't afraid of earthquakes or time. I like to think I was young and fearless. And handsome. Yes, handsome. I like to think that, because it makes me fell better about being old and ummmm, a little less than handsome, now. And no longer brave. Yes, I'm sure back then, I was young and fearless and handsome. Even if it was a long time ago.

I wish I could remember who I was then.

And now.